the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Where is the hickey?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
