Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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