Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
