Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
