I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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