Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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