I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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