at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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