we have officially lost it.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
