Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
