I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize