the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
high people should be assigned attendants
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize