dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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