Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
