Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
