and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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