You smell like stripper and shame
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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