Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
