I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
