I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
