Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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