I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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