Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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