now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
