We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
