we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
