And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
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