There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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