Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
