STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
