well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
