We're like a lot better than the average bears
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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