yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
