you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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