I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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