you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
