don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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