As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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