If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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