You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
