she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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