It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
