need another drink. this is the easiest way
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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