i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize