In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize