I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
