adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize