I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
