I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize