don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I didn't notice because vodka
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Sext me about skeletons
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
