What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
