he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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