Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
