Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
