Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
