I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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