i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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