There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
