HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
