I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
