i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
