Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
