we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Pants are for mortals
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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