He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
