During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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