all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
